


I Never Wanted to Lose You

by anthonytheboy



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Bravery, Cravings, F/M, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Guilt, Innocence, Love, New World, Sequel to The Force Awakens, Star Wars - Freeform, Survivor Guilt, Teamwork, universe - Freeform, wanting more
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-10
Updated: 2016-08-16
Packaged: 2018-06-01 10:10:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6513904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anthonytheboy/pseuds/anthonytheboy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A sequel to The Force Awakens, there are spoilers!!!!  Sorry... (Hopefully, you've seen the movie.)</p><p>Finn awakes at a medical table to find Poe, BB-8, C-3PO, and R2-D2.  He spends his life with the Resistance as Poe, General Organa, and the pilots as Finn tells them his stories of his life as a First Order storm-trooper.  He loves his new life, but his mind craves for Rey, wanting to see her again, and he feels so much guilt for not being there for her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry for not writing in such a long time. I have not written anything on here in months, and I apologize. I am busy working on a book I would like to publish and schoolwork that writing fanfiction takes a while. My other two Star Wars fanfiction will be updated soon. Again, I am so sorry for the hold up.
> 
> I would like to thank and dedicate this work everyone on Archiveofourown.org because you guys have changed my life. So much of you have been so kind to me and have inspired me to make fanfiction, and I can not thank you all enough. 
> 
> Anyways, hope you enjoy this story and have a good day.

Finn panted, and he could feel sweat. Hard, cold sweat straining down from his hair to his face. He could see the figure walking over with his red lightsaber. Finn ran, ran from the villain, unsure what would he would do next. He ran into the forest, and he looked for a place to hide.  
“No,” Finn thought. “There’s no place for me to hide.”  
Finn ran more, but the figure called his name. “FN-2187! Stop right there!”  
Finn turned around to see Kylo Ren. His brooding, black cape dragged on the floor as he walked.  
“You’re never going to find Rey,” Kylo Ren said. “I know that is what you are here for.”  
“Tell me where she is!” Finn demanded as he held up his gun.  
“Oh really, are you sure you want to know?” Kylo Ren asked.  
Rey was behind Kylo Ren, and she came out to the view.  
“Rey! You’re okay!” Finn exclaimed in happiness.  
“Stop,” Kylo Ren said. “Finn, you’re a traitor. It’s now time for you to die.”  
“No, I am going to take Rey with me. I am not dying today and nor is Rey,” Finn explained.  
Kylo Ren walked over to the still Finn. Finn watched his eyes study his face, just like what happened back at Jakku when the stormtroopers were told to find the map of Luke Skywalker. Finn could smell Kylo Ren’s scent which smelled like strawberry perfume, and he felt fear rise through his chest and through his nerve system. The strawberry perfume did not in any way ease him, instead it made him think more about Rey and how he would escape with her. He was not going to leave her here. He told himself he would never forgive himself if he did.  
“TRAITOR! YOU’RE GOING TO PAY FOR ALL OF THE DAMAGE YOU HAVE DONE TO THE FIRST ORDER! YOU FOOL!” Kylo Ren yelled as he kicked Finn into the tree.  
Finn yelped in pain and watched in horror as Kylo Ren used the force on a frightened Rey. He pulled him towards her, took his red crossbow lightsaber, and then he sliced. Finn screamed and cried Rey’s name until Captain Phasma came over and told him to stop yelling. Kylo Ren and Captain Phasma kicked him until Kylo Ren sliced Finn also.

“REYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!” Finn yelled as he woke up from the medical table to notice he was still alive, and he looked around to see a shocked Poe standing around with R2-D2, C-3PO, and BB-8.  
“Poe?” Finn asked.  
“Hey buddy, you’re alive!” Poe exclaimed as they hugged each other. “The Resistance was all worried about you, Finn. I am so glad you woke up.”  
“Thanks, Poe, is Rey here?” Finn asked. “I need to talk to her.”  
“Sorry, Finn,” Poe said. “No. She went to find Luke Skywalker because BB-8 and R2-D2 found the map that leads to Luke Skywalker. “  
“When will she be back?” Finn asked.  
Poe stared at him, hesitating to answer. “No one knows.”  
“Okay then. Thanks,” Finn said.  
Days passed, and Finn spent the days with Poe, Jessica, and General Leia Organa. He waited for a long time, wondering when Rey would come back. Soon, it had been weeks, and Rey still wasn’t back.  
Finn’s heart ached with low self control as he wished he could just run into Rey, hug her in his arms, and know that everything was right in the world. He wished they lived normal lives, just like they should have. He wished he could live a normal life with Rey and Poe, just an ordinary life. He felt selfish and greedy, and he hated that he felt that way. But he couldn’t help but keep having alternate thinking and wishful thinking. He wasn’t sure what else to do.  
One night, before he fell asleep, Finn felt his back pocket to feel something. He pulled it out to find a picture of Rey. He had no idea how in the world he had a picture there.  
He stared into Rey’s face in the picture. She looked so joyful in the picture, and she was standing tall and bold. She was proud of herself in the picture, just like Finn was proud of Rey. He stared into the picture and spoke to the picture.  
“Rey, I know it’s been a long time since I’ve seen you. I miss you with all of my heart. I wish I can do something to make us meet again. I know I feel needy, but I feel so different without you. Besides Poe, you were the first person that welcomed me. The first person to welcome me to a group and care for me, and the First Order… never really cared about anyone before. Wherever you go and whatever you do…. I will always be there with you. No matter where you are, I will never forget you. I never wanted to lose you, Rey, but Rey…. I love you!” Finn started to bawl as he felt so stressed with his empty heart and mind. Rey was almost like a food for Finn’s heart and mind and his heart and mind wanted her.  
Finn didn’t know what else to do, so he fell asleep while saying the words, “I never wanted to lose you.”  
The next morning, Finn asked Poe what happened before he fainted.  
“All I remember is Kylo Ren shouting me, calling me a traitor,” Finn said.  
“Rey told me what happened. She talked about you really well. She said you saved her life,” Poe said.  
“I find that hard to believe, I’m not good enough,” Finn replied.  
“No, Finn, you’ve saved my life before. That means you can save other people's’ lives too,” Poe said.  
Finn thought about what Poe said and realized he was right.  
“Thanks,” Finn said.  
He loved being with his best friend, Poe and his friends. All of his pilot mates were nice to Finn and treated him well. All of them asked for his adventures in the First Order, and Finn told them everything and the whole truth about it.  
He taught General Leia Organa and the pilots a lot about the First Order, giving them a lot of information. BB-8 rolled around Finn always beeping with Finn, asking questions about the First Order.  
Even though he was having such a good time, he missed Rey, and his heart ached with pain as he kept wondering, “When are you coming home, Rey?”  
One night, Jessika Pava and Poe Dameron came into Finn’s room.  
“Finn,” Jessika whispered.  
“Huh? Hey, Poe. Hey, Jessika. Why are you two here?” Finn asked. “It’s night time, we should go to sleep.”  
“We need to show you something,” Poe whispered back. “We need to close your eyes, it’s a surprise.”  
Finn followed his two new friends as they took him through halls and halls.  
“Where are we going?” Finn asked.  
“No peeking,” Poe said.  
“I’m sorry, but I didn’t get my question answered,” Finn replied.  
Poe said, “I know. You’re not supposed to.”  
Suddenly, Jessika said, “Finn, open your eyes.”  
Finn opened his eyes, and he smelled cherry trees. Cherry trees at a Resistance base. He started to wonder where he was until he looked up at the sky and dropped to his knee. The sky. It was filled with an infinite amount of stars. There was a huge stretch of light of stars lined up together in the dark sky.  
He looked around him to see he was in a garden. There were roses, lilies, and daffodils everywhere. He bent down to smell one of the roses and sighed at the beautiful smell. The rose…. It reminded him of Rey. He could smell her beautiful scent, and he could sense her presence on another planet learning the ways of the Force until he started to wonder how he even knew that.  
He looked over to Poe and Jessika were grinning from ear to ear.  
Finn hugged both of them and started crying.  
“Thank you so much,” Finn said. “How did you guys do this?”  
“You told us your stories, and you told us you only saw plants and stars once with TR-8R and Slip,” Poe said. “So, we did this. For you to see it again.”  
Finn was in overwhelming tears, unable to control himself. “Thank you so much…”  
That night when Finn was sleeping, he saw R2-D2 in his room.  
“Hello, R2,” Finn said.  
R2-D2 beeped in excitement as he pulled Finn’s blanket onto Finn.  
“Thanks,” Finn replied as R2-D2 gave him another beep.  
As Finn fell asleep, he thought about the rose and the stars. He thought about watching the stars during night with Rey. The thought made him feel so depressed. He didn’t mean to lose her. Finn wished he wasn’t so weak, and he wished he was so much stronger. He wanted to be stronger for Rey, for his friends, for the Resistance, but he felt so useless. He wanted to be something and do something, but he felt like he wasn’t good enough. He wished he was awake through the whole fight Rey went through with Kylo Ren so that he could have helped her, and he knew Rey probably wouldn’t have needed the help if he was awake. He knew he would have probably have not helped at all, and the thought burned his body in deep, blue sorrow.  
Finn then just cried and cried, and he couldn’t stop the tears from coming. He just kept on crying until R2-D2 beeped, asking if he was okay.  
“I’m fine, R2, I… I just…” Finn then didn’t know what to say next.  
R2-D2 beeped and asked him what was wrong.  
“You know Rey, right?” Finn asked as R2-D2 beeped in approval.  
“I met Rey, all the way back at Jakku. She was with BB-8, being beat up by these mean bullies. I ran over wanting to help her, but she defeated all of those bullies by herself with her staff. As I was wearing Poe’s jacket after crash landing with it, BB-8 thought I stole it from him. Rey ran over to me and smacked with the staff, and she looked at me. Even though she was angry at me at the time because she thought I stole BB-8’s master’s, Poe Dameron’s, jacket, she looked at me in a certain way that no one ever did before. She looked at me like I mattered in some way, and it makes me melt because I can’t believe how it changed my life. At first, all I wanted to do was run from the First Order but not anymore. After what I went through with Han Solo, Rey, Maz Kanata, BB-8, General Organa, C-3PO, Poe, and you, I just can’t do that anymore. I can’t lose any of you guys. I don’t want to. I don’t want any First Order person taking any of you guys anymore. It makes me wish I was stronger… more brave. I just don’t feel like I’m worthy enough… to even be here,” Finn explained.  
R2-D2 beeped in a serious tone, and he told Finn that it is a good thing to let go of what is toggling on someone’s mind and told him he was sent by General Leia Organa if he ever needed help.  
Finn nodded in approval and said a thanks as he climbed back in his bed to go to sleep and that night, he dreamed of Rey and him, living in an ordinary world where they could lie down on the grass together, kiss and cuddle, rolling down the hill as Rey would say, “Finn, I love you,” and Finn would say back, “I love you too.”  
Then, Finn realized that he would also say, “I never want to lose you.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not posting anything Star Wars related in a while! I hope you enjoy this fanfiction!

Rey watched the clouds fading away, signaling night time. She ran back to the house where Luke Skywalker was.  
Luke Skywalker was cooking dinner, two sandwiches. After dinner, Rey hopped into bed, but she couldn’t go to sleep. She kept thinking about what had happened to her in the past few weeks. Things have changed so much quicker than she ever thought it would have in her life. She had to admit she was very surprised. She couldn’t still believe that just a few weeks ago, she had been living on Jakku, like always, and now was here, learning how to be a Jedi.   
“If it hadn’t been for BB-8 and Finn,” Rey thought.  
Suddenly, Rey wondered about Finn.   
“Was he okay?” Rey thought.  
Luke could sense what Rey was feeling. He could feel Rey’s strong desire to return to the Resistance Base.  
“Rey? Are you alright?” Luke asked.  
“Oh, yes, master, I am alright,” Rey answered. “Thank you.”  
“Rey, I’m not so sure about that. If you want to go back to the Resistance Base, you can. I won’t stop you. Maybe I can take you there. My sister has been wanting to see me for ages,” Luke said.  
Rey replied, “But master, don’t I have to finish my training?”  
“Whoever this Finn boy is, you must really like him, Rey. You only spent around a few hours with him, and you love him very deeply,” Luke said.  
Rey, for some reason, started to blush and felt embarrassed, wondering how Luke knew about what she was feeling.  
“Yes, I… I really do love him. I-I can’t stop thinking about him,” Rey said.  
Luke nodded and grinned. “Rey, I know how that feels like. I really do.”  
Rey looked up at Luke and asked, “Really?”  
“Yes,” Luke replied.  
“Master?”  
“Yes, Rey?”  
“Is… is it possible...?”  
“Yes, we can go visit the Resistance Base.”  
Rey felt like she was going to scream; she could hardly wait to visit the Resistance Base and meet up with General Leia, Poe, BB-8, C-3PO, Jessika, and everyone else there. But most of all, Finn was who she wanted to see the most. She hoped dearly that Finn was now awake. She was going to cry if Finn wasn’t awake by the time she reached the base.  
“When will we go?” Rey asked.  
“Let’s go tomorrow,” Luke answered.  
Rey that night, still could not fall asleep. But she could think of happy illusions of throwing her arms around Finn, maybe even kissing him passionately on the lips. She could think of his beautiful smell of his jacket (Well, Poe’s jacket.). She could think of the tears of joy in her eyes, not wanting to ever let go of Finn, wanting to be with him forever. She wanted nothing more but her future to be with him. She wanted to be his. She wanted to be the thing Finn desired, and she started to feel selfish. But she knew that was all she wanted because Finn was the only person who came back for her besides Han Solo and Chewbacca. Yet, it was Finn’s idea of doing it. She waited more than a decade and five years for the family she didn’t remember to return to her, but they never came back. But Finn did. Even if he had the whole right to not go back, after all of the stress and torture he felt in the First Order. Even if he was the most wanted man in the galaxy besides Luke Skywalker, he came back for her. Even if Kylo Ren wanted to do nothing but kill him gruesomely, he fought for her after she was pushed onto the tree. He was the first person that she met that was actually what she could call a friend, and she knew whenever she looked at him-- she was home. It was home. She had been searching for home her whole life, and she finally found home.   
Rey then whispered into the star-lit sky, “I never wanted to lose you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I may update this story, but I may not. It really depends on what you guys think.
> 
> Thanks for reading again and have a good day!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading and have a great day, I will be updating this story as it goes, and please feel to add suggestions in the comments below.


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